I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
