So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
