Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dick very happy bro
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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