i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
