Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
