it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
