You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
