I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
