is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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