Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
