hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
