Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bring money and cleavage
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
