there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
