I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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