Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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