Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
