I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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