I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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