my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
