I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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