talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
