Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
