I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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