Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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