Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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