I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
