Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
