Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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