Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
