We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
