We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
