I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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