she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
