she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
