so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
