No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
