I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
