His hands were made for my vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
