i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
