Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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