Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
