i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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