You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
