Me. At least after what I've been through.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
