yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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