Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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