Already got asked if we're dating
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
