cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
