It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
