He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
