my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you never un-have a 4some
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
