I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
